I haven’t kissed anyone but the guy I was in love with in over five years. And it will be one year in January since my lips have touched any mans lips! At this point it is very difficult to imagine even kissing someone else again, never mind having sex with them.
But..hope is the thing with feathers. That perches in the soul, And sings the tune– without the words, And never stops at all. Emily Dickinson
Here is some more life-saving advice from the love healing guru. Thanks again for your wonderful words of wisdom.
“And in a few years, who knows? Some guy might ask you out, and DON’T…DON’T start playing the “does he like me, does he want to have sex, will he marry me?”
DON”T do that. Don’t. Take it for what it is…a guy who wants to have dinner with you. Don’t make it anything more than that. DON’T have sex with him the first time. I KNOW , I KNOW. But sex is what got you into the mess in the first place. If he wants it right off the bat,then is he not the right guy. Don’t be a friend with benefits. That’s just a players name for “Pussy I don’t have to pay for.” That’s the Player Mode. Don’t go there. If he wants sex, he is going to have to earn you, baby, I mean it.
(And you will not die if you never have sex again. I promise.)
This is how you learn to love again: by loving yourself FIRST. By trusting yourself FIRST. By promising yourself to never, ever sell yourself short. If he wants sex and you don’t? Kick him to the curb. He’s just a hound. He’s just looking for a quick hookup (I believe that is the term these days?) and nothing else. His plan is to ease his hard on. Period.
The man who doesn’t want it right away, who is willing to discover who you are, besides a piece of ass, is worth the wait. If he wants to be friends, first? GREAT.
And one day, years from now, you will see a picture of you and Player and think “Him? WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?” It wasn’t your brain, it was your hormones. They make us stupid. They make us pick men that are studly but, like grama used to say, ‘They’re all horns and balls.” That’s why I love menopause. My hormones are no longer in charge.
You will look back at what you went through and see yourself: scarred, wiser, stronger, surer of yourself.
Trust yourself. Love yourself. Depend on yourself.
You will love again. Don’t be afraid to love again. Just be careful whom you give your heart to. Make him earn it.
There’s a ton of nice guys out there. Believe me. I’m married to the nicest one of all. He’s short, pudgy, not very socially accomplished, but he is the best human being I’ve ever had the privilege and luck of knowing, and better yet, loving and marrying. Don’t be afraid to try again.
And to any men reading this: I’m not slamming your entire gender. I’m not a man hater, not by any means.
I’m merely reporting from my one and only lifelong gender’s side.”
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