new years

my 2014 wish is to meet the right man for me so I can be a great girlfriend to him and we can make the perfect team. I just dont want to hurt anymore. I want to face my fears and not let my past be my demon. I want to bring happiness into others lives and be a good person. I want to be happy and make someone else happy too.

Happy Belated Birthday


I know it was your birthday a few days ago, and I thought about you a lot that day, and wanted to write to you.

I had the best time of my life with you on your birthday last year. The weather was miserable but the company was perfect.

The more I spent time with you the more I began to love you and I hated leaving you and I could not cope with that feeling as I had lost so many others in my life.

That is why when I lost you for good I fell apart,

You are a great judge of character, and I hate that your wonderful open heart gets hurt, I have been hurt a lot in my life and I have decided to shut down myself again because I don’t trust anyone anymore. It kills me that I hurt you because you opened your heart to me and I wish I could have done the same, but I trusted and listened to the wrong people.

My last email to you was dramatic but it was the truth.

You can look at pictures and see one thing but photos and images can be deceiving.

Sometimes we must smile and try get on with our lives and with people around us even if they have hurt us.

I am glad you are happy. I hope my mistakes at-least worked out well for you, they did not for me.

There are only a handful of people I have met in my life that I have connected with and shares the same level of belief in morals, friendship and trust as I.

I wish we could be friends, I wish you would speak to me again. There are very few people in the world I trust, you are one of them, yes I broke your trust I just wish you could find it in your heart to forgive me, Ive always been such a trustworthy loyal person like you, but ive been hurt by so many, and I did not mean to hurt you. A year later I am still crying over it.

We only live life once, I am glad to see you are making the mot of it and went back to paradise for your bday.

I wish I was the one with you.

I will always love you, I am sorry I hurt you in the short-term, but in the long-term I hurt myself.

Most importantly I want you to be happy, which is why you will never receive personal emails from me.

I will always appreciate the love you gave me, and I miss you in my life so much, I wish we could be friends.

I lost who I was and what I believed in. I hope like you I will find another person who will make me as happy as you did.

You are a special person and I am glad that I met you, I just wish it was now and not a year ago.

Love always

New Year New Love?!

Out with the old…in with the new! Last New Year, I was in an annoying loud nightclub with my two closest friends and their boyfriends, I wanted to throw myself under a car! No joke! I drank two bottles of champagne with my friend..and as the clock turned midnight…and everyone grabbed their partner, I was standing solo on the dance floor. I felt so alone. I was very very drunk and depressed. I just wanted to disappear. I wandered outside, with the thought to just keep walking and not turn back. But I didn’t. And then my New Year’s resolution was to never talk to the guy who made me so sad again..I also did not do that…as 10 days later I was in his arms across the Atlantic ocean as he had broken up with his girlfriend and was going through a tough time and I flew to his rescue…I KNOW I AM A FOOL.

This year..2012…will I kiss someone new..will I even meet someone new..who knows. But at least I have not spoken to my player in over eight months…so that’s something positive! If I meet someone new..I will keep you all informed..but it’s not looking too good right now!